Not so fun fact: finding out your pregnant and the weeks that follow are truly like riding the most extreme emotional roller coaster ever. And you know what? NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT. Why are people not talking about this? Now that I’m 14 weeks I kind of get it: once everything feels on track you forget those rocky first few months.

Luckily I kept a journal of sorts in case you’re knee deep in early pregnancy emotions and want to make sure you’re not a crazy person for feeling ALL the feels! Warning: there’s some early pregnancy facts in here that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone but just a FYI.

Why a roller coast of emotions, well let’s look at more facts:

4 weeks pregnant: this is usually the earliest you’ll find out that you’re pregnant. It’s typically when you miss your period. (Note pregnancy “time” is strange. They starting “counting” from the first day of your last period, not when you conceived. That’s why the math may not make sense at first. How am I 4 weeks pregnant when it’s only been roughly 2 weeks since we conceived? Count back to your last period).

So you get a positive pregnancy test at 4 weeks and the emotions of excitement and nervousness and HOLY SHIT THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING surge through your body.

Then you have a second to process and reality hits: 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most of us have friends that have gone through it and the stories are sometimes similar: when I went to the doctor for my first prenatal exam around 6-7 weeks there was no heartbeat.

4 - 6 weeks pregnant: a waiting game. Should you be exciting? Envision how life is going to change? Call your parents and bffs to tell them the good news? Or should you wait until your first doctor’s appointment?

To be honest, Andy and I chose the later. I remember telling Andy multiple times during weeks 4 - 6 how lonely I felt. No one to talk to to share the news / wariness of this waiting game. He wasn’t really letting it process himself. And he told me that. “Do you want me to be more excited? I guess I just really want to the doctor to confirm everything before really wrapping my head around it.” We’re facts people.

The only thing that kept me from losing my mind was the fact that I would wake up every morning and my boobs would be sore. A welcome sigh of relief that “okay, I think I’m still pregnant.”

6 - 7 weeks pregnant: The days feel like they take forever but your first prenatal exam is here. Finally some reassurance on what is going on! Or so you think…

We had our first prenatal exam at 6.5 weeks pregnant. The crazy part is that the doc and nurses assume you are pregnant from the second you walk in the office. I remember thinking that was strange - like HOW DO YOU KNOW? Andy and I never talked about it but I know for a fact we both had the same thought: “Hey lady, can you actually confirm this before giving us anymore 411 on delivery hospitals, pregnancy dos + donts, and genetics chat? K. Thanks!” We were so fortunate to hear our littles heartbeat and the doctor said she felt very good about everything. Apparently the risk of miscarriage after hearing a strong heartbeat is only 4%.

ONLY 4% but that’s still 4%. I don’t know about you but again, those facts and data are really a mind fuck. I’ve ALWAYS been one to see the glass half full but for some reason the waiting game was extremely taxing on me. Now we have to wait another 4 weeks until we get some more re-assurance that all is good at our next OB appointment.

In the meantime we started to tell our family and closest friends. I had to give my mom strict rules not to say a word to any of her friends until we gave her the green light.

9 weeks pregnant: Maybe you’ll have a major freakout like me? Hopefully not!

I should mention that other than my boobs being sore I have been blessed with pretty much no other pregnancy symptoms. Yes, I was a little tired in in the beginning and felt somewhat bloated but that’s it. I imagine if you’re someone who’s battling some gnarly morning sickness or nausea this waiting period before telling people is extremely frustrating because you feel like sh*t and you have to hide it from everyone, especially at work.

At 9 weeks all of my very mild pregnancy symptoms disappeared and I freaked. After doing a lot of googling (which is a huge no no during pregnancy) I was convinced something was wrong. I e-mailed my doctor at 9pm with the subject line: feeling very unpregnant. I couldn’t describe it any other way and I begged her to come in for an ultrasound. She squeezed me in the next morning and ALL was fine. Oh boy did I cry when I heard our littles heartbeat. THANK GOODNESS! My doctor, who is the sweetest, said to me in a pretty stern voice: STOP getting lost in online discussion boards about people’s pregnancy experiences and do not compare yourself to your friends…

EVERYONE’S PREGNANCY JOURNEY IS DIFFERENT!

Since then I legit don’t look up ANYTHING on the internet related to physical or emotional pregnancy feelings. It has been the most freeing decision I’ve made in a long time and I swear since that day my mental state has been in such a good place.

10 - 12 weeks pregnant: Another chance to see baby and know that all is good!

After that second ultrasound (for me the 3rd -hah!) things start to feel much more real and there’s a greater level of confidence. That being said when the doc starts throwing out all the stats connected to genetic testing, etc. it becomes mildly worrisome. One of my friends said to me: you’re worried now? Just wait until you have the baby and you’re freaking out about trying to keep it alive… this is just the start of a lifetime of worry this child is going to bring you.

While true, he/she will also bring a lifetime of happiness and love and although those first few months were extremely taxing on me emotionally, taking a glass half full approach is the way I’ve decided to move forward since that 9 week freakout.

If you’re preggers, I’m wishing you a smooth pregnancy and a reminder from my doc that everyone’s pregnancy journey is different (but you’re also not alone in your feelings). ;) xx - Ash